Geriatric Go-Carts?

I don't know about you, but we generally mow our yard once a week--twice at the absolute most. My next door neighbors to the east tend to do things differently. It doesn't matter if we're in the middle of a drought and it hasn't rained in weeks. They are guaranteed to have the shortest grass in the neighborhood because the little old man mows it EVERY morning.

The only explanation I have come up with for this is that riding lawn mowers must be the geriatric equivalent of go-carts. I understand that when you get to a certain age, the speed of an actual go-cart may be a little intimidating. So, maybe cruising around your already-mowed lawn on a riding mower is a recreational activity? If that's the case, I think I understand why they have so many flowerbeds, statuettes, benches, and other things in their back yard. It must be a lawn mower speed course! Hell, if I was setting up a high speed lawn mower course, my back yard would look like I robbed Statuary World too. I wonder if he uses a stopwatch or has a point system.

Is this what retired people do in the event they can't afford to travel? Should I start leaving anonymous mail in their mailbox suggesting that he install a "Ring of Fire" (after the burn ban in our county is lifted, of course)? I bet if he did that, I wouldn't be so annoyed when the noise woke me up every morning. I might actually take my lawn chair outside to watch.

Gimme The Suckiest Vacuum You've Got.

I have tragic news. My vacuum cleaner of 6 years has passed away. It was 10 years old and came into this family with my husband when I married him back in 2004. I’ll give you some time to compose yourself and wipe away the tears before I continue.

…

The vacuum officially ceased its faithful service to our household three weeks ago, but we haven’t actually been able to replace it yet. Unfortunately, everything else has broken in the past few weeks as well, and we’ve been busy replacing things left and right. When it rains, it most definitely pours.

Given that I have two little boys, you must think that my carpet is atrociously littered with dirt and debris with my vacuum being out of commission for so long. However, I’m happy to report that this isn’t case. I have to hand it to the Rainbow and Kirby sales people. They are absolutely wonderful… even if they don’t know it! If there is one thing that I’ve learned during the past few weeks, it has to be this:

The more fictitious phone conversations you have with your spouse’s voicemail to “beg him/her for a vacuum,” the cleaner your house gets… also the more amused your spouse gets when he/she checks his/her voicemail later.

Chris didn’t know it until later, but he was really playing hardball when it came to getting a new vacuum cleaner.

This leads me to the next thing:

All good things must come to an end.

Needless to say, I’m running out of local sales people to exploit. So, it’s time to take the dive and make a purchase for the sake of my carpet. If you’ve ever met my husband, though, you know he has to over-research everything he buys. It doesn’t matter what it is. If we’re buying new kitchen spoons, he’s going to research whether or not we should buy bamboo or nylon, and we’ll probably do everything short of touring the factory. This may or may not include asking potential manufacturers for resumes. Vacuums will be no different.  

The first tell-tale sign of the great vacuum hunt came today when he called me from a local vacuum repair shop and told me one of the floor models he saw today was “beautiful.” Yes, he called a vacuum cleaner beautiful.

It’s beginning. Be afraid.

On a completely different note, I’d like to share with you a mural that was drawn by my youngest son not too long ago. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I’m leaning toward “demon with a guitar.” That’s just sort of his speed, ya know? You can see that the artist has chosen faux wood grain for his canvas and has used only a white paint pen for this minimalistic piece. Enjoy.