Dear Fellow Wal-Mart Shoppers...

Dear Fellow Wal-Mart Shoppers:

I know that you have spent plenty of money in this store and plan to spend more today, and you think that you’ve somehow bought the inalienable right to park your shopping cart in the most strategically impassable location humanly possible while you debate with yourself about whether or not oatmeal cream pies are actually healthier than fudge rounds.

I know you must be both shocked and upset that anyone in the store would ever have the gumption to interrupt your conversation with Sally from PTA about which groomer you’ve been taking your hairy little rat to here lately. I mean seriously... they can wait another 15-20 minutes to get to the sharp cheddar, right? If you’re not on a time schedule right now, who the heck is? You should probably refuse to say “excuse me” and give them a dirty look for putting such a damper on your social hour.  

I know those checkout lines that say “10 Items or Less” are much closer to the entrance you came in through. Surely the 10 item limit doesn’t apply to you. Everyone behind you with 1-2 item purchases totally understands that your overflowing cart needed immediate attention because you lost track of time talking to Sally over in the dairy section. Hell, you probably would have finished talking sooner if that rude woman didn’t need to grab a block of cheese.

… and just who do cashiers think they are nowadays? You bought that cell phone so you wouldn’t miss a single conversation when you’re on the go. Why don’t they understand that you’ll finish your checkout process as soon as you understand the full details of tomorrow night's dinner engagement? This kind of thing absolutely cannot wait until you’re on the way out to the car. Still, they want to badger you with irrelevant information like the total cost of your purchase. People just don’t have any respect these days. It’s a shame.

In speaking of parking lots and cell phones, can you believe the nerve of those people who honked at you for camping out behind that parking space? How on earth were you to know that the lady had just pulled in the spot and wasn’t leaving? Do they actually expect you to read the grocery list your husband/wife texted to you and be able to know these things too?  It’s not like you have superhuman skills.

I bet you’re absolutely outraged that Wal-Mart doesn’t do something about this. I bet if it doesn’t change before long, you’re actually considering shopping somewhere else.

Well…

Oh please, oh please, oh please please please DO!

I know this is the “Age of Entitlement” and all, but the truth in the matter is, you’re not entitled to anything. That’s right. The world owes you nothing. As a matter of fact, you’re the problem. If you do decide to shop somewhere else, try and make sure it’s not Target. That’s where I go when there are too many of you at Wal-Mart.

Hugs/Kisses/Rude Sign Language/Etc,

Keri